don't worry about it

I'm getting tired of life's ups and downs. It's irritating to have the feeling that everything is going great, that you're loved by everyone, on it at work and acing all of your classes at school, but a day later everything has completely switched up on you.

I want to go to Disneyland. A vacation would be sweet. Florida? Georgia? Colorado? Arizona? hmm..

I need to quit smoking. As much as I love it, it's killing me. I can't breathe in the morning, I cough a bunch and spit up a ton of nasty shit on a daily basis. Plus, I can't smoke during the time of my surgery.

I just read my last five entries and think I deserve to be punched in the face for being such a fool. This needs a little updating...
There's the good,
Back in high school. (I actually made honor roll first semester.)
Good job. (Teleperformance at $9/hr with Javan, Justin, and Kristi. Jobs with friends are sweet.)
Fines are paid. (I'll be driving within the next month or two.)
New phone. (Maybe I'll give you the number.)

And the not so good,

I just read my last five entries and think I deserve to be punched in the face for being such a fool. This needs a little updating...
There's the good,
Back in high school. (I actually made honor roll first semester.)
Good job. (Teleperformance at $9/hr 40 hrs a week with Javan, Justin, and Kristi. Jobs with friends are sweet.)
Fines are paid. (I'll be driving within the next month or two.)
New phone. (Maybe I'll give you the number.)
I'm on good terms with my dad. (We have real friendly conversations. Surprise!?)

And the not so good,
The relationship with my mom is deteriorating.(Slowly but surely, I can't handle it.)
I'm a little more sober. (I still smoke trees but the only drug I've used in the past couple months has been mushrooms, but come on folks, at least it's natural.)
Absolutely no love interest. (I'm getting irritated.)
My best friend is gone. (Ashley's living in AZ now. Nick's in MN. Haven't seen Charles since before Christmas, apparently the zippo wasn't good enough. ha.)

So yea, that's the past 6months in a nutshell. I loosing my mind though. Even though I'll be bringing home some fat checks from the new job, my social life's going to shit. I'll handle it though, I always do.

life is just some diamonds in the rough

this has been a crazy weekend.
thursday was rolling face.
friday was beers, blunts, and fake cocaine.
saturday was too drunken and emotional.
today was hangovers and shotguns.
nick comes back next week. i'm looking forward to that a lot.
at least i think i am.

yea.......
shit's nuts.
i haven't gone to school in over a month. i'm enrolling into ADA. it's all going to work out i think.
in a year,i'm going to drive truck for a little while. i've decided this.
i've also realized that people think i'm a drug abusing drop out with no direction in life and are deciding to give up on me.
so shit, if that's all it takes then fuck them in the first place.
i'm having FUN. which is more than they'll experience in their whole life.
no regrets.

lots of things are changing. i'm too drunk to update right now. btu what i do know is this;
we're moving into a sweet duplex. at least for us. and im excited.
but i miss some things right now. and i think i'm making mistakes because i'mlonely or soemthing. i don't understand what i'mdoing. but i do know this keyboard is fucked up and i've had way too many things that dont make me think 100% tonight so i need to stop writing.

so nick left for minneapolis again. he'll be gone for a month.
it works out though, because i can hang out with some people i don't usually do things with. not that i couldn't before, it's just i have more free time.

i'm going to keep on dancing.
things are too good to throw away.

i drank half a bottle of perscription cough syrup last night, hoping to dex. it worked, but now i feel loopy as ever. i haven't showered in a few days so i should probably get on that.

don't worry, be happy.